The Love of a Mother

This year has been about softening.

Softening my heart

Softening my energy

Softening the way I hold myself

The softening has brought up trials that have been catalysts for a new uncovering with each quest.

Like Frodo's quest to Mordor (yes I'm a LOTR nerd 🤓)

My quest has been filled with surprises and struggles

We can take them, and simmer in the chaos of your emotions, not coming up to breathe, or you can learn to ride with the current and the natural flow of the river.

Either way, you will need to cross THROUGH the water.

How you do that is up to you.

In my softening, love has been a leading topic.

As I reflect back on relationships, family and friendships in my life, I realize that no one of what I've seen in the world has taught me the reality of love.

The truth is, that no amount of watching people do something, or reading about it, will give you the experience and wisdom that FEELING it does.

With that knowledge came the reflection of motherhood, and how I've learned to FEEL the immensity of authentic love as a mother.

That my children are the ones that taught me what divine love feels and looks like.

So I ask myself, where do we feel love on Earth?

It isn't just in romantic relationships, which society has become obsessed with seeking and places on a pedestal as the highest form of love.

Oh no.

I don't Think partnership is the highest form of love.

I think the love for our children is.

I also think that we don't always value sisterhood and community in the ways that it deserves to be, because partnership and marriage has become the standard for how we view Love in union.

Some of the wisest women of history were so fulfilled in love with sisterhood and motherhood, and never again married a partner.

That doesn't mean that men aren't important, or that they don't have value and a purpose, but it makes me question whether partnership holds as much power and value as we've been led to believe it does.

In many capacities, partnership served a purpose of protection, security and transactions between two people. It was a stability for both parties and carried a certain status.

In the economy and culture we are in today, I still think that holds true.

Because I see people staying in marriages that aren't compatible or healthy, because it serves a purpose of security and protection that is easier to sit in than the unknown of divorce and becoming a single parent.

I truly empathize with that, because I've been there.

I stayed for several years, when I knew it was past fixing, because I didn't want to stop breastfeeding our youngest, and had never left any of them over night with anyone besides me, not even their dad.

They all slept with me for an extended time, and I knew how hard it would be for us all to change things with divorce. So I waited until my youngest was at an age that he could adapt better, and when I had saved a little money for an apartment.

I guess I was more strategic than I thought, but I think that's a crucial part of the journey into single motherhood. Plan ahead. Plan for the what ifs when you can.

And don't stay just because it's easier, especially when you know that the relationship you are showing your children, isn't healthy or loving.

And I think the way our children learn what love really is...is to FEEL it from their mother.

💜🖤

Jess